You know you’ve mastered the art of letting go when you’re no longer attached to these 7 things

There’s something beautifully ironic about attachment. The tighter we grip onto things—outcomes, people’s opinions, our perfect plans—the more stressed and miserable we become.

I learned this the hard way in my twenties when I was obsessed with controlling every detail of my life. Every setback felt like a personal attack, every criticism cut deep, and every plan that didn’t work out left me frustrated for days.

But here’s what I’ve discovered: true freedom doesn’t come from getting everything you want. It comes from loosening your grip on needing things to be a certain way.

Letting go isn’t about becoming indifferent or giving up on your goals. It’s about finding peace in uncertainty, strength in flexibility, and joy in the present moment—regardless of what’s happening around you.

When you’ve truly mastered this art, there are some things you’ll notice you’re no longer desperately clinging to.

Let’s explore some of the biggest ones. 

1. Other people’s approval

This used to be my biggest weakness. I’d craft emails five different ways before sending them, constantly worry about what people thought of my opinions, and change my behavior based on who I was around.

The turning point came when I realized something simple: you can’t control what others think of you, no matter how hard you try. Someone will always find fault, and someone else will always approve—often for completely arbitrary reasons.

When you stop chasing approval, something magical happens. You start making decisions based on your own values instead of what looks good to others. You speak up when it matters. You stop exhausting yourself trying to be everyone’s version of perfect.

The irony? People actually respect you more when you’re not desperately seeking their validation.

2. Perfect outcomes

I used to be the person who had backup plans for my backup plans. Every project needed to unfold exactly as I envisioned it, and any deviation felt like failure.

But life has a funny way of teaching you that perfection is an illusion. The promotion you thought you needed leads to burnout. The relationship that looked perfect on paper lacks genuine connection. The “flawless” plan crumbles when reality hits.

Here’s what I’ve learned: some of my best experiences came from things going completely sideways. The job I didn’t get led me to start my own venture. The travel plans that fell through resulted in unexpected adventures.

When you stop demanding perfect outcomes, you become more resilient and adaptable. You can pivot when needed, find opportunity in setbacks, and actually enjoy the journey instead of just obsessing over the destination.

3. Your past mistakes

There was a period where I’d replay embarrassing moments from years ago like they were Netflix episodes I couldn’t stop watching. That awkward thing I said in a meeting, the relationship I handled poorly, the opportunities I missed—they lived rent-free in my head.

But here’s the brutal truth: your past mistakes have zero power over your present moment unless you give them that power. They’re done. Finished. The only thing they’re useful for now is the lessons they taught you.

I remember reading something that shifted my perspective completely: every mistake was made by a previous version of you with less knowledge and experience than you have now. That person did their best with what they knew at the time.

When you truly let go of past mistakes, you stop defining yourself by your worst moments. You start seeing them as data points that helped shape who you are today—nothing more, nothing less.

4. The need to control everything

I used to be a control freak in recovery. I’d micromanage projects, obsess over details I couldn’t influence, and stress about scenarios that might never happen. It was exhausting.

The wake-up call came when I realized how much energy I was wasting trying to control things completely outside my influence—other people’s decisions, market conditions, even the weather affecting my plans.

Buddhism taught me something profound: there’s a difference between taking action and trying to control outcomes. You can prepare thoroughly, work diligently, and make smart decisions without needing to dictate exactly how everything unfolds.

When you release the illusion of control, you discover something liberating. You focus your energy on what actually matters—your effort, your attitude, your responses. Everything else becomes background noise.

The result? You become more effective because you’re not scattered across a million things you can’t actually control anyway.

5. External validation for your worth

For years, my self-worth was like a stock ticker constantly fluctuating based on external feedback. A compliment would send me soaring; criticism would crush me for days. My value as a person felt entirely dependent on what others reflected back to me.

This became painfully clear when I started writing online. I’d check likes, comments, and shares obsessively, letting them dictate my mood and confidence. One harsh comment could derail my entire week.

The shift happened gradually. I started recognizing that my worth isn’t something that gets determined by outside forces—it’s something that exists independently of what anyone else thinks or says about me.

When you stop outsourcing your self-worth, you become unshakeable. Bad days don’t define you. Criticism becomes useful feedback rather than personal attacks. Success feels good, but it doesn’t inflate your ego because you know it doesn’t determine your value as a human being.

6. The timeline you think your life should follow

I spent my late twenties convinced I was “behind” in life. Friends were getting married, buying houses, climbing corporate ladders, while I felt like I was still figuring out basic adulting. Social media made it worse—everyone seemed to have their lives perfectly mapped out.

But here’s what I’ve come to understand: there is no universal timeline for a meaningful life.

Some people find their calling at 22; others at 52. Some marry young; others find love later or choose to stay single. Some have kids early; others wait or decide parenthood isn’t for them.

Recently, I read Rudá Iandê’s book Laughing in the Face of Chaos, and one insight really stuck with me. He writes “Most of us don’t even know who we truly are. We wear masks so often, mold ourselves so thoroughly to fit societal expectations, that our real selves become a distant memory.” 

Those timelines often come from societal expectations and when you let go of them, you start honoring your own pace and path.

7. The person you think you should be

This might be the hardest one to release.

I think we all carry around some idealized version of ourselves—the person we think we should be based on family expectations, cultural norms, or our own perfectionist standards.

I used to exhaust myself trying to become this “better” version of me that existed only in my head. He was more disciplined, more social, more successful, more everything.

The real me never measured up.

The breakthrough came when I realized I was rejecting parts of myself that were actually valuable. My introversion wasn’t a flaw to fix—it was how I recharge and think deeply. My unconventional path wasn’t a sign of failure—it was authenticity in action.

When you stop trying to be someone else, you finally get to be yourself. And that’s when life gets interesting.

Final words

I’ve talked about this before, but the most counterintuitive thing about letting go is that it actually gives you more power, not less.

When you’re not constantly stressed about things outside your control, you have more energy for what actually matters. When you’re not performing for others, you can focus on authentic growth.

If you are no longer attached to these things, good for you.

And if you are, well, awareness is the first step toward change.