7 phrases highly self-centered people use without even realizing it

Have you ever walked away from a conversation feeling oddly drained — or like something just wasn’t quite right?

As a relationship expert, I’ve seen this dynamic play out time and time again.

And often, the culprit isn’t overt manipulation or dramatic behavior. It’s subtle — tucked into the everyday language someone uses.

Self-centered people don’t always storm into relationships demanding the spotlight. Sometimes, they quietly claim it with certain phrases that shift focus, deflect responsibility, or subtly diminish others.

And the most fascinating part? Many of them don’t even realize they’re doing it.

Over time, though, these phrases erode connection and trust. They can leave you second-guessing yourself, over-explaining, or feeling unseen.

Today, we’re breaking down seven common phrases that are red flags of self-centeredness. Learning to recognize them — and respond to them — can protect your energy and your relationships.

Let’s get into ’em. 

1. “That reminds me of when I…”

This phrase can seem harmless at first—it’s a common way to keep a conversation going. But pay attention to how it’s used.

You might be opening up about something meaningful, and before you’ve even finished, the other person jumps in with their own story. Suddenly, the focus shifts away from you and onto them.

The problem isn’t sharing experiences—it’s the timing. Instead of listening fully, they’re waiting for their turn to talk.

The unspoken message is, “What I have to say is more important than what you’re saying right now.”

Over time, this habit leaves people feeling unheard and minimized, even if that wasn’t the intention.

2. “I deserve…”

Now, there’s nothing wrong with having standards. In fact, setting healthy boundaries is important.

However, when someone constantly throws out this phrase—about relationships, jobs, friends, even small inconveniences—it can reveal an inflated sense of entitlement.

It stops being about healthy self-respect and starts sounding like superiority.

As Dr. Daniel Goleman once noted: “Self-absorption in all its forms kills empathy, let alone compassion.” When we focus only on what we think we deserve, we forget to consider what others might be going through.

There’s a fine line between valuing yourself and devaluing others.

3. “You wouldn’t understand”

On the surface, this might seem like someone simply acknowledging differences in perspective. But more often than not, it’s used to shut down meaningful connection.

It sends the message: “I’m too complex, too special, or too unique for you to even try.”

What this phrase really does is build walls. Instead of inviting dialogue or showing patience, it cuts people out and reinforces a “me versus you” mentality.

Self-centered people often use it to avoid vulnerability or accountability.

But here’s the truth—connection is built through openness, not dismissal.

4. “I’m just being honest”

We’ve all heard this one, usually right before or after a cutting remark.

Yes, honesty matters. But there’s a big difference between being truthful and using “honesty” as an excuse to be unkind.

When someone hides behind this phrase, what they’re often saying is: “I care more about saying what I want than about how it lands on you.” That’s not honesty—that’s selfishness dressed up as virtue.

5. “That’s not my problem”

We all have limits. But people who toss this phrase around too easily reveal a lack of empathy and willingness to contribute.

Imagine you’re in a team setting, at work or even in family life, and a challenge comes up. A self-centered person might quickly detach themselves with a shrug and this phrase.

Of course, it’s true we can’t carry everyone’s burdens. But empathy means at least acknowledging someone else’s struggle, even if we can’t fix it.

When people shut down with “not my problem,” what they’re really saying is, “If it doesn’t affect me directly, I don’t care.”

And that’s a hard stance to build meaningful relationships on.

6. “I’m just too busy”

We’re all busy. Life is full. But when this phrase becomes a default excuse—skipping out on commitments, ignoring messages, or failing to show up—it often reflects more about priorities than time.

The self-centered angle here is that it implies: “My schedule is more important than your needs.”

The sad truth is, if someone constantly claims to be too busy, what they’re really communicating is that you (or your relationship) don’t make the cut on their priority list.

It’s not about busyness—it’s about value.

7. “If I were you, I would…”

Last but not least, “If I were you,…”.

Advice can be kind, helpful, and even healing—when offered with sensitivity. But when self-centered people use this phrase, it’s rarely about you. It’s about inserting themselves into your situation, projecting their worldview, and subtly suggesting they know better.

It dismisses the complexity of your feelings and choices. Instead of listening to understand, they listen to respond, ready to overlay their perspective onto your life.

Ironically, the best advice often comes from those who hold back, who listen deeply, and who only share their perspective when invited.

Final thoughts

Self-centeredness doesn’t always roar—it whispers through the everyday phrases people use.

Maybe one or two of these sound uncomfortably familiar, either in people around you or even in your own speech. If so, don’t panic. Noticing them is the first step toward changing them.

The language we use shapes the way people feel in our presence. And when we shift from self-focus to empathy, connection, and awareness, relationships begin to flourish.

So the next time you catch one of these phrases on the tip of your tongue, pause. Choose words that expand your world—and the world of those around you—instead of shrinking it.