5 unwritten rules Gen Z live by that confuse everyone over 40

I’m heading toward the big four-o, and I’ll be honest—I struggle to “get down with the kids.”

I mean, I grew up in the days when the biggest flex was burning a mix CD or having a Nokia brick that could survive a nuclear blast. Now I watch Gen Z live by a whole new set of unwritten rules that leave most of us over 40 scratching our heads.

And here’s the thing: it’s not that their rules are wrong—they just operate in a different reality. A reality built on TikTok trends, online communities, and an entirely different relationship with technology, work, and even language itself.

So, let’s have some fun and unpack five of these rules. Who knows, maybe we’ll even learn a thing or two (or at least finally understand what our kids mean when they roll their eyes at us).

1. Your online identity is just as important as your real one

I grew up thinking the internet was where you put a cheesy bio on MySpace or posted vacation photos once you got around to uploading them from your digital camera.

Gen Z, though? Their online identity is a carefully curated extension of themselves.

A Gen Zer might spend more time choosing their Instagram handle than we spent choosing our kids’ names. Their TikTok “For You Page” isn’t just entertainment—it’s practically a mirror of who they are, what they believe in, and what tribe they belong to.

To those over 40, this can feel strange. Why care so much about how strangers perceive you online?

But here’s the thing: Gen Z grew up with social media as the default. Their friendships, hobbies, and even job opportunities often start online. For them, “digital” and “real” aren’t separate—they’re two halves of the same whole.

Confusing? Sure. But it also makes sense when you realize they’re just living in the environment they were raised in.

2. Mental health isn’t a taboo subject—it’s a group chat topic

When I was in my twenties, talking about mental health usually meant whispering about “burnout” or using vague phrases like “feeling a bit off.”

Therapy? That was for people with “serious” issues.

Gen Z flipped the script. They talk about anxiety, depression, and therapy as casually as they talk about what they had for lunch. It’s not unusual to see TikToks where creators share their therapy takeaways or crack jokes about panic attacks.

Now, to the over-40 crowd, this can feel like oversharing. Shouldn’t this stuff be private? But to Gen Z, being open about mental health is a way of destigmatizing it. They don’t see it as weakness—they see it as honesty.

And maybe they’re onto something. Eastern philosophy has long taught the value of acknowledging suffering instead of ignoring it. 

So while their raw honesty about mental health might make some people squirm, it also creates a level of support and community that many of us wish we had growing up.

3. Hustle culture is out, balance is in

Remember the early and mid 2000s when “rise and grind” was the mantra?

Pulling 80-hour weeks was practically a badge of honor. If you weren’t burning out, were you even trying?

Gen Z looked at all that and said: “No thanks.”

They still care about success, but their version doesn’t mean sacrificing everything else. They’re much more likely to ask about work-life balance in an interview than about salary progression.

They’ll openly talk about quitting jobs that don’t align with their values. And they’re not shy about prioritizing travel, hobbies, and downtime over climbing the corporate ladder at any cost.

This drives a lot of over-40s crazy. “Lazy” is a word I’ve heard thrown around more than once. But is it laziness, or is it wisdom?

I’ve written before about detachment and the dangers of attaching your identity too tightly to your career. Buddhism calls this “non-clinging,” and Gen Z seems to be practicing it intuitively. They’re not rejecting ambition—they’re rejecting burnout as the price of ambition.

Confusing? Maybe. But it might just be a healthier way forward.

4. Language is fluid—and constantly reinvented

If you’ve ever tried to decode a Gen Z group chat, you’ll know exactly what I mean here.

Words we thought we knew have new meanings. “Mood” no longer refers to a state of being; it’s shorthand for “relatable.” “Slay” doesn’t mean kill—it means you nailed it.

And don’t get me started on emojis. Who knew using a “crying laughing” face could get you branded as “old”?

For those over 40, this constant reinvention of language can feel exhausting. Just when you think you’ve got it, the rules change. (Apparently saying “cheugy” is already… cheugy.)

But if you zoom out, it’s just language doing what it’s always done: evolving. Shakespeare invented words left and right. Slang has always marked generational divides. The only difference is the internet speeds everything up.

So while it may be confusing, it’s not new. We probably sounded just as bizarre to our parents when we said things were “rad” or “dope.”

5. Experiences > possessions

This is one rule I actually admire, even if it baffles some older folks.

Gen Z doesn’t seem to care as much about owning the fanciest car or biggest house. Instead, they prioritize experiences—traveling, concerts, festivals, even just unique coffee shops with “aesthetic vibes” for Instagram.

Older generations often see this as frivolous. Why spend hundreds on a weekend festival when you could put that money into savings?

But Gen Z grew up in a world where material stability feels increasingly out of reach. Housing prices are astronomical, debt is a given, and the “dream” of owning a home feels distant for many of them.

So instead of pinning happiness on what they can’t have, they find it in what they can. And there’s wisdom in that. After all, possessions fade, but memories last.

Final words

Heading toward forty, I’ll admit it: sometimes I feel out of my depth trying to understand the younger generation. Their unwritten rules often leave me confused, shaking my head, or googling acronyms I’ve never seen before.

But here’s the thing: every generation has its quirks. Ours had them too. We weren’t exactly crystal clear to our parents when we thought frosted tips and cargo pants were the height of cool.

Gen Z’s rules might be confusing, but they’re also a reflection of their world—a world shaped by technology, uncertainty, and a desire to live authentically. And if we take the time to understand, we might just realize they’re not as “out there” as we think.

At the end of the day, whether you’re twenty or sixty, we’re all trying to answer the same question: how do I live a life that feels meaningful? Gen Z just happens to be answering it with TikToks, therapy memes, and oat milk lattes.

And honestly? Good for them.