I was having coffee with a friend recently—someone who’s undeniably comfortable financially, living in a beautiful suburban home with kids in private school. As we chatted about weekend plans, she casually mentioned how “everyone” could afford to take their family on a ski trip if they just “prioritized better.”
I nearly choked on my latte.
Here was someone genuinely kind and well-meaning, completely oblivious to how tone-deaf that sounded. It got me thinking about how many of us, particularly those in the upper-middle-class bubble, make comments that reveal just how disconnected we can be from other people’s realities.
The truth is, financial privilege can create blind spots. When you’ve never had to choose between groceries and gas, it’s easy to assume everyone has the same options you do.
Let’s explore some phrases that sound innocent enough but can come across as incredibly self-centered.
1. “Money is a mindset issue”
Ever heard someone say that poverty is simply a matter of “limiting beliefs” or that people just need to “think more positively” about money?
This perspective completely ignores the very real structural barriers that keep people stuck financially. Worse yet, experts have found that financial worries can hit low-income people’s thinking skills as hard as losing a full night’s sleep—or taking a 13-point drop in IQ.
Yes, you read that right. Being short on money can make impact your thinking skills.
Sure, mindset plays a role in financial success. But dismissing genuine economic hardship as a “mental block” reveals a stunning lack of awareness about how money stress actually affects people’s lives—and thinking capacity.
2. “Just invest in yourself”
This advice sounds so empowering, doesn’t it? But when someone’s choosing between paying rent or buying groceries, suggesting they drop a few thousand on a business coach or a course can feel like a slap in the face.
I’ve watched well-meaning people in my practice offer this advice to friends who are genuinely struggling. The intention is good, but it assumes everyone has disposable income for self-improvement.
Sometimes the most practical “investment” someone can make is simply surviving today so they can work toward tomorrow.
3. “We’re comfortable”
This phrase drives me absolutely nuts, especially when it comes from someone describing their third vacation home as a “little getaway place.”
I’ve noticed this tendency to downplay privilege, as if acknowledging financial comfort somehow makes you a bad person. But here’s what happens: when you minimize your advantages, you also minimize other people’s struggles.
When you say you’re “just comfortable” while discussing your kids’ private school tuition or your recent kitchen renovation, you’re essentially saying that what feels normal to you should feel normal to everyone.
There’s nothing wrong with having financial security. But calling it something it isn’t? That just shows how disconnected you might be from what “comfortable” actually means to most people.
4. “If people just worked harder, they’d get ahead”
This one hits a nerve because it implies that anyone struggling financially is simply lazy or unmotivated. I’ve heard this from people who landed their dream jobs through family connections while criticizing others for not “hustling” enough.
The truth? Many of the hardest-working people I know are barely scraping by. They’re working multiple jobs, caring for elderly parents, or dealing with health issues that make traditional career advancement nearly impossible.
Researchers back up just how it hard it is to get up on the ladder rungs, noting that in the U.S., a child born into the bottom 20% income bracket has just a 7.5% chance of making it to the top 20% as an adult.
When you suggest that hard work automatically equals financial success, you’re ignoring countless systemic barriers—from lack of access to quality education to geographic limitations to discrimination. You’re also dismissing the reality that many people are already working incredibly hard just to survive.
Hard work matters, absolutely. But it’s not the only factor, and pretending it is reveals a pretty significant blind spot about how the world actually works for people outside your economic bubble.
5. “Money isn’t everything”
Yes, money isn’t everything. But when you don’t have enough of it, it affects literally everything else—your health, your relationships, your ability to be present for your kids, your mental well-being.
It’s easy to say “money isn’t important” when you’ve never had to choose between paying for prescription medication or keeping the lights on. When you’ve never experienced the shame of having your card declined at the grocery store or the anxiety of not knowing how you’ll make rent.
This comment often comes across as dismissive of real financial stress. It’s like telling someone drowning that water isn’t everything while you’re standing safely on shore.
Money might not buy happiness, but financial security absolutely affects your ability to focus on those “things that really matter.” Acknowledging that isn’t shallow—it’s realistic.
Final thoughts
At the end of the day, privilege doesn’t make someone a bad person—but it can make us blind. The phrases we toss out without thinking often say more about our own bubble than the reality most people live in.
If you find yourself slipping into one of these lines, it’s worth pausing and asking: Who might this sound dismissive to? What experience am I overlooking?
Because real empathy starts with recognizing that not everyone has the same safety nets, opportunities, or choices. And sometimes, the most powerful thing we can do isn’t to offer advice—it’s to simply listen, acknowledge, and respect that someone else’s “normal” looks very different from our own.
