5 things about yourself you should only share with people you completely trust

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve noticed something: most people love to talk, but very few know how to listen—and even fewer know how to keep what they hear safe.

It took me a long time to learn that trust isn’t just about liking someone or even spending a lot of time with them. It’s about knowing they’ll hold your words with care. They won’t use them as gossip, twist them in a heated moment, or quietly judge you for being human.

That’s why there are certain things I’ve learned to only share with people I trust completely. These aren’t the everyday details like what I ate for breakfast or how work went. These are the things that can either deepen a relationship or backfire badly if you place them in the wrong hands.

Here are five things about yourself you should only share with people you completely trust—and some personal lessons that taught me why.

1. Your deepest insecurities

Every one of us has insecurities—those quiet fears and doubts we carry like invisible weights. Maybe it’s about how we look, whether we’re smart enough, or whether we’ll ever be successful enough. Sharing these with the wrong person can be dangerous, because even unintentionally, people can twist insecurities into weapons.

I learned this the hard way. Years ago, I opened up to a casual friend about how I often feel like an imposter in professional settings. I admitted that sometimes I feel like I’m just “winging it,” and that one day, everyone will realize I don’t really know what I’m doing. At the time, it felt freeing to say it out loud. But months later, in a heated argument, that same friend threw it back at me: “You’re right—you never really know what you’re doing anyway.”

It stung. Not because it was true, but because something I had shared in confidence was used as ammunition. After that, I realized I had to be far more discerning.

2. Details about your finances

Money is a sensitive subject. It doesn’t just reveal numbers; it reveals priorities, values, and vulnerabilities. When you share details about your income, debt, or investments with the wrong person, it can spark envy, gossip, or unnecessary judgment.

I remember once telling a colleague I was saving aggressively for a big move abroad. I thought it was an innocent detail. For weeks after, though, they’d make sly comments: “Oh, you must be loaded,” or “You can pay, you’ve got the savings.” Suddenly, what I thought of as discipline and planning became a point of resentment and tension.

When you open up about your finances, make sure it’s to someone who respects your journey and won’t turn it into competition or judgment. A trusted person will listen without comparison and, if anything, support your goals.

3. Your family struggles

Almost everyone has some sort of tension in their family, whether it’s long-standing conflicts, differences in values, or painful experiences. Those struggles should never be casual conversation fodder, because once they leave your mouth, they’re no longer fully yours. 

Family struggles carry layers of history and emotion that most outsiders can’t fully grasp. When they’re shared with people who don’t have the capacity to treat them with the gravity they deserve, those struggles get trivialized—or worse, turned into gossip. 

4. Your long-term dreams

Dreams are fragile. Before they take root, they’re just seeds—tiny and vulnerable, easily crushed by careless words. Sharing them too freely can invite skepticism, mockery, or discouragement that chips away at your confidence.

Years ago, I mentioned to someone I barely knew that I was thinking of pivoting careers, leaving behind what was safe for something I actually wanted (writing). Their response was immediate: “That’s unrealistic. You’ll never make it in that field.” For weeks, I carried that doubt with me, replaying their words.

Looking back, I realize I had handed them a level of influence they hadn’t earned. They weren’t someone who knew me well enough to judge my abilities or someone invested in my success. They were just an onlooker—and I had given them the power to shake me.

The lesson here is simple: only share your dreams with people who will water them, not trample them. A trusted person will encourage you, challenge you thoughtfully, and help you see possibilities you might have overlooked. They won’t laugh at your ambition or remind you of all the ways you could fail.

5. Past mistakes you’re still healing from

The truth is, past mistakes are tender scars. They don’t define us, but they shape us. And they’re not for everyone to examine.

Trusted people know that your past isn’t who you are today. They won’t exploit your vulnerability. They’ll see your mistakes as part of your growth, not a stain on your character.

Final thoughts

Being open is a strength. Vulnerability builds connection, honesty builds intimacy, and sharing ourselves helps us feel less alone.

But boundaries are just as important. Not everyone deserves access to your innermost fears, your financial truths, your family struggles, your dreams, or your mistakes.

What I’ve learned over the years is that trust should be earned slowly. Start small. Share a little, and see how they handle it. If they prove trustworthy—if they don’t judge, gossip, or use your words against you—you can let them deeper in.

The people who can be trusted with your whole self are rare. When you find them, hold them close. They are worth more than gold.

And for everyone else? Keep those five things protected. They’re part of who you are, and not everyone deserves that access.