4 small habits that might be making you an exhausting person to be around

Ever been stuck in a conversation with someone who just… drains you? You know the type—they leave you feeling mentally exhausted, emotionally depleted, or secretly planning your escape route to the bathroom.

Here’s the uncomfortable truth: you might be that person sometimes.

Look, we all have our moments. Life gets stressful, we’re overwhelmed, and before we know it, we’re unconsciously pushing people away with small habits that seem harmless but are actually exhausting to deal with.

The tricky part? Most of us don’t even realize we’re doing it. These behaviors sneak into our daily interactions so subtly that we’re blind to their impact on others.

I’ve been there myself—wondering why conversations felt stilted or why friends seemed less enthusiastic about hanging out. It wasn’t until I started paying closer attention to my own patterns that I realized some of my “harmless” habits were anything but.

Today, we’re diving into four such behaviors that might be making you exhausting to be around.

1. Putting your phone first 

There’s a name for this habit, and it’s not pretty: phubbing—phone snubbing. It’s when you’re physically present but mentally checked out, scrolling through your device while someone’s trying to connect with you.

According to Healthline, nearly 32% of people report being ‘phubbed’ two to three times a day . Think about that for a second—that’s a lot of people feeling ignored and undervalued.

And it’s not just annoying. As noted by LaKeisha Fleming in a post on Very Well Mind, “Phubbing has real consequences on your relationships, with research reporting that phubbing negatively affects intimacy and closeness in romantic partnerships”.

I used to be terrible at this. I’d convince myself I was “multitasking” during conversations, but really I was just making the other person feel like they weren’t worth my full attention.

Your phone will always be there. The person in front of you might not be.

2. Always needing to be right

You know that person who turns every casual comment into a debate? The one who can’t let a small inaccuracy slide without launching into a correction? 

Yeah, there is little more exhausting to be around. 

I learned this lesson the hard way when I realized I was exhausting friends by constantly fact-checking their stories or jumping in with “Well, actually…” It felt like I was being helpful, but I was really just being insufferable.

Dale Carnegie nailed it when he said, “You can’t win an argument. You can’t because if you lose it, you lose it; and if you win it, you lose it”. Think about it—even when you’re technically right, you’ve made the other person feel stupid or dismissed.

The need to always be right usually stems from insecurity, not intelligence. It’s about proving your worth rather than actually helping anyone.

Sometimes being wrong—or just letting someone else be wrong—is the kindest thing you can do.

3. Dumping your problems on others 

We’ve all been there—you’re having a rough day and you just need to vent. But there’s a difference between sharing what’s on your mind and using someone as your personal emotional dumping ground.

The exhausting person launches straight into their drama the moment someone asks “How are you?” They don’t check if the other person has the bandwidth to listen, and they rarely reciprocate by asking how the other person is doing.

While it’s true that we need to express our feelings, timing and consent matter.

I used to do this constantly—calling friends and immediately launching into whatever crisis I was facing without even considering what they might be dealing with.

Now I try to ask first: “Hey, do you have space to listen to something I’m working through?” It’s a small shift that makes a huge difference in how people receive what you’re sharing.

4. Making everything about you

This might be the most exhausting habit of all—hijacking every conversation to redirect it back to yourself.

Someone shares an accomplishment, and you immediately launch into your own success story. They mention a struggle, and suddenly you’re talking about your bigger problems.

Sound familiar?

It’s like conversational theft, and it leaves people feeling unheard and unimportant.

I used to think I was being relatable when I’d respond to someone’s story with my own similar experience. But I wasn’t connecting—I was competing. Instead of making the other person feel understood, I was stealing their moment and making it about me.

The thing is, this habit often comes from a good place. We think sharing our own experiences shows empathy or helps people feel less alone. But there’s a difference between “I understand because I’ve been there too” and “Let me tell you about my version of that.”

Real listening means sitting with someone else’s experience without immediately filtering it through your own. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is simply “That sounds really hard” or “Tell me more about that.”

Final words

Most of us don’t set out to drain other people. These habits creep in slowly, often when we’re stressed, overwhelmed, or just not paying attention to how we’re showing up in our relationships.

The good news? Awareness is half the battle. Once you start noticing these patterns in yourself, you can begin to shift them.

Start small. Pick one habit that resonated with you and focus on that for the next week. Notice when you slip into old patterns, but don’t beat yourself up about it. Change takes time.