10 phrases people with poor social skills often use in everyday conversation

I’ve noticed something interesting during my daily walks around the neighborhood. When I pass by people having conversations, certain phrases make me pause. Not because they’re offensive or cruel, but because they create this subtle distance between people without anyone really noticing.

After building my counseling practice over 12 years, I’ve become pretty tuned in to the small language patterns that either bring people closer or push them apart. And the truth is, most people with weak social skills don’t even realize they’re using phrases that make others uncomfortable.

If you’ve ever wondered why conversations feel awkward or why connections don’t quite stick, these phrases might be part of the problem. Let’s break them down.

1) “No offense, but…”

Here’s the thing about this phrase: it’s basically a warning that something offensive is about to follow. It’s like saying “I’m about to hurt your feelings, but I’m giving you a heads up, so that makes it okay.”

It doesn’t.

When someone starts a sentence this way, the other person immediately braces for impact. And honestly? If you need to preface your comment with “no offense,” maybe reconsider whether you need to say it at all.

I learned this the hard way early in my career when I was still working as a school guidance counselor. I thought adding this phrase softened my feedback. It didn’t. It just made students defensive before I’d even finished my sentence.

2) “Actually…”

This one’s tricky because sometimes you do need to correct misinformation. But when “actually” becomes your go-to word, you’re essentially positioning yourself as the person who’s always right.

Nobody likes the constant corrector. Nobody.

I’ve noticed in my practice that clients who overuse this word often struggle with listening. They’re so busy waiting to jump in with their superior knowledge that they miss the actual point of the conversation.

Try replacing “actually” with genuine curiosity. Instead of “Actually, that restaurant closed last year,” you could say “Oh, I thought they closed. Are they back open?”

See the difference?

3) “You’re wrong”

Talk about a conversation killer.

Even if someone is factually incorrect, leading with “you’re wrong” puts them in defense mode immediately. And once someone feels attacked, they’re not listening anymore. They’re just waiting for their turn to fight back.

Instead, try something like “I see it differently” or “That’s interesting. Can I share another perspective?”

You can disagree without making the other person feel stupid.

4) “I don’t care”

This phrase shows up more often than you’d think, especially when people are trying to seem easy-going or flexible.

But here’s what it actually communicates: apathy. Disinterest. A complete lack of investment in the conversation or relationship.

When my husband and I were navigating a particularly difficult year early in our marriage, I caught myself saying this phrase way too often. I thought I was being accommodating, but what he heard was that nothing mattered to me. That I wasn’t engaged.

If you genuinely don’t have a preference, try “I’m happy with whatever works for you” or “You choose this time.” Small shift, huge difference in how it lands.

5) “Whatever”

This is dismissiveness in its purest form.

“Whatever” says “this conversation isn’t worth my time” or “you’re not worth my time.” It’s passive-aggressive at best and outright hostile at worst.

I maintain a small circle of close friends, and one thing I’ve learned is that depth requires engagement. You can’t build meaningful connections while throwing out “whatever” every time someone shares something important to them.

If you’re frustrated or need space, say that. “I need a minute to process this” or “Can we revisit this later when I’m calmer?” Both are honest without being dismissive.

6) “I’m just being honest”

Oh, this one gets under my skin.

“I’m just being honest” is often code for “I’m about to be rude, but I’m framing it as a virtue.”

Honesty is important. But honesty without kindness is just cruelty with a better marketing strategy.

During my yoga practice, I’ve learned that truth and compassion aren’t mutually exclusive. You can be direct and kind at the same time. You just have to care enough to try.

If you find yourself using this phrase regularly, pause and ask: am I being honest, or am I just being blunt?

7) “You’re too sensitive”

This phrase invalidates someone’s feelings in one quick swoop.

When you tell someone they’re too sensitive, you’re essentially saying their emotional response is wrong. That they’re the problem, not your behavior.

But here’s what I’ve learned from thousands of hours in session rooms: people aren’t “too sensitive.” They just have feelings, and those feelings are valid.

If someone tells you they’re hurt by something you said or did, “you’re too sensitive” shuts down any possibility of connection or repair. A better response? “I didn’t realize that would hurt you. Help me understand.”

Emotional attunement builds trust. Dismissing emotions destroys it.

8) “I told you so”

Few phrases create resentment faster than this one.

When someone’s already dealing with the consequences of a mistake or poor decision, rubbing it in doesn’t help. It just makes you look petty and makes them feel worse.

I overcame my own people-pleasing habits through practicing direct but kind refusals, and part of that journey involved learning that being right isn’t the same as being helpful.

If someone’s struggling with the aftermath of a decision, they need support, not smugness. Save the “I told you so” and offer actual help instead.

9) “That’s just how I am”

This phrase is basically a refusal to grow.

When you say “that’s just how I am,” you’re declaring that you have no intention of adapting, changing, or considering how your behavior affects others. It’s a conversation ender disguised as self-acceptance.

Real self-awareness involves recognizing your patterns AND being willing to work on the ones that hurt people.

I encourage my clients to replace mind-reading with clarifying questions, and part of that process is acknowledging that “how you are” might need some updating. We’re all works in progress.

10) “Why are you getting so upset?”

This question almost never comes from a place of genuine curiosity.

Usually, it’s asked when someone is uncomfortable with another person’s emotional response. It’s a way of deflecting from the actual issue and making the other person’s feelings the problem.

During heated discussions with my husband, I’ve learned to practice “pause before reply” to avoid defensive spirals. Part of that means not questioning whether someone should be upset. If they are, they are.

A better approach? “I can see you’re upset. What can I do right now?”

That shows you care more about the person than about winning or being right.

Final thoughts

Look, we’ve all used at least a few of these phrases. I know I have.

The goal isn’t perfection. It’s awareness.

Social skills aren’t something you either have or don’t have. They’re something you develop through practice, mistakes, and genuine effort to connect with others.

Start paying attention to your patterns. Notice when these phrases slip out and what you’re trying to communicate when they do. Usually, there’s a better way to say what you really mean.

And if you’re struggling with this? You’re not alone. Consider reaching out to a counselor or therapist who can help you build stronger communication patterns. Sometimes an outside perspective makes all the difference.