If these 8 words are part of your daily vocabulary, psychology says you’re more socially intelligent than most

Ever notice how some people just seem to get it when it comes to social situations?

They navigate conversations effortlessly, build rapport instantly, and somehow always know the right thing to say.

You might think it’s some innate gift or years of practice, but here’s the thing: it often comes down to the specific words they use.

Social intelligence isn’t just about reading body language or remembering names (though those help).

It’s about the subtle linguistic choices we make every day—the words that signal empathy, build connection, and demonstrate emotional awareness.

After diving deep into the research, I’ve discovered that certain words consistently appear in the vocabularies of highly socially intelligent people.

These aren’t grandiose or ostentatious terms—they’re deceptively simple words that pack a powerful psychological punch.

Today, we’re exploring eight specific words that psychology research shows are markers of superior social intelligence.

If you find yourself using these regularly, chances are you’re more socially astute than most people around you.

1. “We”

This tiny pronoun carries massive social weight.

Think about it: when someone says “we need to figure this out” versus “you need to figure this out,” which feels more collaborative? Which makes you want to lean in rather than lean away?

Using “we” creates what psychologists call inclusive language.

As noted by research in SAGE Journals, people who use more “we-talk” show better relationship functioning, healthier behaviors, and stronger personal well-being—classic hallmarks of social savvy.

It’s subtle but powerful. Instead of creating an “us versus them” dynamic, socially intelligent people instinctively use “we” to build bridges and foster collaboration.

Even in disagreements, they’ll say “how can we solve this?” rather than “this is your problem.”

2. “Because”

Here’s where social intelligence gets fascinating.

Socially smart people understand that humans have an almost primal need to understand why.

We’re wired to seek reasons, and providing them—even simple ones—dramatically increases cooperation.

There’s a classic psychology experiment that proves this beautifully.

Researchers had people try to cut in line at a copy machine.

When they just asked “Can I use the machine?” only 60% agreed. But when they added “because I’m in a rush,” compliance jumped to 94%.

The kicker?

Even saying “because I need to make copies” worked just as well.

The word “because” signals that you respect people’s need to understand your reasoning.

It transforms demands into requests and makes others feel considered rather than commanded.

Socially intelligent people sprinkle this word throughout their conversations, making their interactions feel more thoughtful and less transactional.

3. “Thanks”

Simple gratitude might be the most underestimated social superpower.

People with high social intelligence don’t just say “thanks” when someone does something big—they weave appreciation into everyday interactions.

Thanks for listening. Thanks for your patience. Thanks for bringing that up.

It’s not just politeness; it’s psychology.

Research shows that expressing gratitude is tightly linked with prosocial behavior, stronger bonds, and higher social intelligence.

When you acknowledge others’ contributions, even small ones, you’re essentially telling them they matter.

But here’s what separates socially intelligent people from the rest: they make gratitude specific.

Instead of a generic “thanks,” they’ll say “thanks for staying late to help with this” or “thanks for thinking of that detail.”

This specificity shows they’re actually paying attention, not just going through social motions.

4. “Sorry”

This one might surprise you, but socially intelligent people aren’t afraid to apologize—and they do it strategically.

I’m not talking about chronic over-apologizing or saying sorry for existing.

That’s actually a sign of low social confidence.

Instead, emotionally savvy people use apologies as relationship repair tools.

They understand that a well-timed “sorry” can defuse tension, show accountability, and demonstrate emotional maturity.

When they mess up, they don’t deflect or make excuses—they acknowledge the impact with a genuine apology.

But here’s the key: they apologize for their actions or oversights, not for who they are.

“Sorry I missed that deadline” instead of “sorry I’m such a disaster.”

This distinction matters enormously. The first shows responsibility and respect for others.

The second just makes everyone uncomfortable.

Socially intelligent people also know when not to apologize, avoiding the trap of apologizing for things outside their control.

5. “How”

This question word is pure social gold.

Socially intelligent people have mastered the art of asking “how” questions because they signal genuine curiosity rather than judgment.

Instead of “Why did you do that?” (which can sound accusatory), they’ll ask “How did you approach that?”

The difference is subtle but profound.

“How” questions invite explanation and show respect for someone’s process or perspective.

They create space for dialogue rather than defensiveness.

When someone shares a success, socially savvy people ask “How did you make that happen?”

When facing a problem, they ask “How should we tackle this?”

When trying to understand someone’s viewpoint, they ask “How do you see it?”

This word transforms conversations from interrogations into explorations.

It shows you’re interested in learning, not just waiting for your turn to speak.

The result? People feel heard, valued, and more willing to open up.

6. “Feel”

Emotions make most people uncomfortable, but socially intelligent individuals lean into them.

They’re not afraid to acknowledge feelings—both their own and others’.

“I feel like we’re missing something here.”

“How do you feel about this approach?”

“I can see you feel strongly about this.”

Using “feel” language shows emotional awareness and creates psychological safety.

It signals that emotions are valid data points in the conversation, not inconveniences to be ignored.

This word choice also softens potentially contentious statements.

“I think you’re wrong” hits differently than “I feel like there might be another way to look at this.”

Socially intelligent people understand that most human decisions are emotional first, rational second.

By acknowledging feelings, they’re speaking the language of connection rather than just logic.

It’s a small word that makes big conversations possible.

7. “Help”

Here’s where social intelligence gets counterintuitive: the most socially savvy people aren’t afraid to ask for help.

They understand that requesting assistance actually strengthens relationships rather than weakening them.

When you ask someone for help, you’re essentially saying “I value your expertise” and “I trust you.”

But they’re strategic about it.

Instead of dumping problems on people, they’ll say “Could you help me understand this?” or “I’d love your help thinking through this challenge.”

The word “help” also appears when they’re offering support.

“How can I help?” sounds more collaborative than “What do you need?”

It implies partnership rather than charity.

Socially intelligent people recognize that humans are wired to help each other.

By using this word authentically, they tap into our fundamental desire to contribute and connect.

8. “Understand”

This might be the ultimate social intelligence word.

“Help me understand your perspective.”

“I want to understand what you’re going through.”

“I’m trying to understand the bigger picture here.”

When socially intelligent people use “understand,” they’re doing something powerful: they’re admitting they don’t know everything and showing genuine curiosity about others’ experiences.

This word creates psychological safety because it removes judgment.

You’re not agreeing or disagreeing—you’re simply seeking comprehension.

It gives people permission to explain themselves without feeling defensive.

It also shows intellectual humility, which research consistently links to better relationships and social outcomes.

People gravitate toward those who seem genuinely interested in understanding rather than just being right.

The beauty of “understand” is that it transforms conflicts into conversations and differences into learning opportunities.

Final words

Language shapes reality more than we realize.

These eight words might seem ordinary, but they’re actually sophisticated social tools.

They signal empathy, build bridges, and create the kind of psychological safety that makes meaningful connections possible.

The beautiful thing? You don’t need to overhaul your entire communication style overnight.

Start by consciously incorporating one or two of these words into your daily conversations.

Notice how people respond differently when you say “we” instead of “you,” or when you ask “how” instead of “why.”

I’ve talked about this before, but social intelligence isn’t a fixed trait—it’s a skill you can develop.

And like any skill, it starts with awareness and practice.

The next time you’re in a conversation, pay attention to your word choices.

Are you building connection or creating distance?

Are you inviting collaboration or triggering defensiveness?

These eight words won’t magically transform you into a social genius, but they’ll certainly point you in the right direction.

Because at the end of the day, being socially intelligent isn’t about manipulation or playing games—it’s about genuinely connecting with the people around you.

And sometimes, that connection starts with a single, well-chosen word.