8 subtle signs you’re dealing with a deeply self-centered person, according to psychology

Have you ever walked away from an interaction feeling drained, dismissed, or somehow smaller than when it began?

Maybe it was a colleague who somehow managed to turn every work conversation back to their own achievements.

Or a friend who never quite seemed to hear what you were saying because they were too busy waiting for their turn to speak.

We’ve all encountered people who seem to operate from a “me-first” mindset, but here’s the thing—truly self-centered individuals are often quite skilled at disguising their behavior.

They’re not necessarily the loud, obvious attention-seekers you might expect. Instead, they use subtle tactics that can leave you questioning your own feelings and reactions.

In my years of counseling, I’ve learned to spot these patterns.

The signs aren’t always dramatic or in-your-face.

Often, they’re quiet manipulations and behaviors that gradually shift every interaction to revolve around them.

If you’ve been feeling off-balance around someone but can’t quite put your finger on why, these eight subtle signs might help you connect the dots.

1. They master the art of conversational hijacking

You know that moment when you’re sharing something important—maybe a work challenge or personal milestone—and suddenly the conversation has somehow become entirely about them?

This isn’t the obvious interruption you’d expect. Instead, they’ll listen just long enough to find their entry point: “Oh, that reminds me of when I…” or “You think that’s bad? Let me tell you what happened to me.”

What makes this particularly subtle is that they often frame it as relating to your experience.

But if you pay attention, you’ll notice your story never gets finished, and theirs always takes center stage.

It’s conversational sleight of hand—and it leaves you feeling unheard every single time.

2. Everything becomes a competition

Have you noticed how some people can’t just let you have a moment?

You mention you’re tired from a long week, and suddenly they’re exhausted from working even longer hours.

You share excitement about a vacation you’re planning, and they immediately launch into details about their much more exotic trip last year.

This competitive streak isn’t always aggressive or obvious. Sometimes it shows up as seemingly innocent one-upmanship wrapped in casual conversation.

But the pattern is always the same—your experiences get minimized while theirs get amplified.

As Dale Carnegie wisely noted: “You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”

Self-centered people missed that memo entirely.

3. They have selective hearing for your problems

Picture this: you’re going through a tough time and reach out for support, but somehow the conversation always circles back to their issues—which, of course, are always more pressing than yours.

It’s not that they completely ignore what you’re saying.

They might offer a quick “That sucks” or “I’m sorry to hear that” before seamlessly transitioning into their own drama.

They’ve mastered the art of appearing supportive while actually being anything but.

What’s particularly frustrating is how they seem to remember every detail when it comes to their own struggles, but your challenges?

Those get forgotten or brushed aside as soon as they’re mentioned.

This selective attention isn’t accidental. It reveals where their true priorities lie—and unfortunately, your well-being isn’t making the cut.

4. They’re experts at subtle credit stealing

This one is particularly sneaky because it often happens so smoothly you might not even catch it in the moment.

Maybe you suggest an idea during a team meeting, and later that same person presents a “new thought” that sounds remarkably similar to yours.

Or perhaps you help a friend work through a problem, and when they share their breakthrough with others, your contribution mysteriously vanishes from the story.

Self-centered people have a talent for positioning themselves as the source of good ideas, solutions, or insights—even when those originally came from someone else.

They might not outright claim your work, but they’ll conveniently forget to mention your role in the process.

I’ve seen this countless times in my practice.

Clients will describe feeling invisible in group settings, wondering why their contributions seem to get absorbed by others who then receive all the recognition.

5. They use fake vulnerability as a manipulation tool

Here’s where things get really tricky.

Self-centered people often understand that vulnerability creates connection, so they’ve learned to weaponize it.

They’ll share something seemingly personal or emotional, but pay close attention—it’s usually designed to make you feel sorry for them, admire them, or shift focus entirely onto their needs.

The sharing feels performative rather than genuine.

Brené Brown, who’s done extensive research on vulnerability, emphasizes that true vulnerability is about connection, not manipulation. Real vulnerability invites reciprocity and creates space for others.

But with deeply self-centered individuals, their “openness” becomes another way to center themselves. You’ll notice that when you try to reciprocate with your own vulnerable sharing, they quickly redirect back to themselves.

6. Your feelings always come second to their comfort

Have you ever tried to address something that bothered you, only to find yourself comforting them instead?

This is emotional jujitsu at its finest.

You might approach them about something hurtful they said or did, but somehow the conversation ends with you apologizing or reassuring them.

They become the wounded party who needs soothing.

They’re masters at flipping the script.

Instead of taking responsibility or showing genuine concern for how their actions affected you, they make their discomfort with the confrontation the real issue.

Suddenly, you’re the bad guy for bringing it up.

Over time, this trains you to stop voicing your needs entirely. It’s emotional manipulation disguised as sensitivity.

7. They remember what serves them and forget what doesn’t

This selective memory is almost surgical in its precision.

They’ll recall with perfect clarity that favor you promised to do for them three weeks ago, but completely forget that they were supposed to help you move last weekend.

They remember every slight against them but have convenient amnesia when it comes to their own hurtful behavior.

I once had a client describe how her friend could recite verbatim every supportive thing she’d ever done for her, but couldn’t remember canceling their plans repeatedly or showing up hours late without apology.

This isn’t about having a bad memory—it’s about having a self-serving one.

They curate their recollections to maintain their position as the perpetual victim or hero of every story, while minimizing any evidence of their own shortcomings or others’ contributions.

8. They fish for compliments while dismissing others’ achievements

Perhaps most crucially, deeply self-centered people have mastered the art of seeking praise while simultaneously diminishing others’ successes.

You might notice how they casually mention their accomplishments in conversation, drop hints about wanting recognition, or make self-deprecating comments that are clearly fishing for reassurance.

But when you achieve something? The response is lukewarm at best, or they quickly pivot to how it reminds them of their own superior achievement.

Tony Robbins once said: “The quality of your life is the quality of your relationships.”

Self-centered individuals poison that quality by creating relationships where appreciation only flows in one direction.

They’ll downplay your promotion while simultaneously lamenting that their own talents go unrecognized. They’ll offer backhanded congratulations that somehow make your win feel smaller.

It’s a double standard that keeps them at the center while pushing everyone else to the margins.

Final Thoughts

At least one of these behaviors sounds familiar, right?

The tricky thing about deeply self-centered people is that their tactics are often so subtle, you might find yourself questioning whether you’re being too sensitive or reading too much into things.

Trust me—you’re not.

These patterns don’t happen in isolation. When you start noticing multiple signs, it’s usually a clear indication that you’re dealing with someone who consistently prioritizes their own needs above everyone else’s.

You might have read my post on codependency, where I talk about how some people get trapped in relationships that drain their energy. Recognizing these self-centered behaviors is a crucial step in protecting your own emotional well-being.

The good news? Once you can spot these patterns, you’re better equipped to set boundaries and decide how much energy you want to invest in these relationships.

Remember, healthy relationships involve genuine reciprocity, mutual respect, and space for everyone to shine.

You deserve connections that lift you up rather than leave you feeling invisible.