Ever feel like there’s an invisible tension in the room when different generations mix?
Whether it’s at work, family gatherings, or even in casual social settings, there’s often an unspoken friction that nobody wants to address directly.
In my years as a relationship counselor, I’ve seen this dynamic play out countless times.
Younger clients come to me frustrated with their boomer parents, bosses, or colleagues, often struggling to put their finger on exactly what bothers them so much.
Here’s what I’ve discovered: it’s rarely the big, obvious conflicts that create the deepest resentment.
Instead, it’s the subtle behaviors—the ones that might seem harmless on the surface—that quietly build walls between generations.
Psychology research has started to unpack why certain boomer behaviors trigger such strong reactions in younger people. And honestly? Some of the findings might surprise you.
Let’s explore eight specific behaviors that, according to research, are quietly driving a wedge between boomers and younger generations.
1. Refusing to step aside and share opportunities
Have you ever watched someone cling to a position or opportunity when it was clearly time to pass it along?
This happens more than you might think.
Researchers found that younger adults develop genuine resentment toward older adults who don’t make room for them—essentially violating what psychologists call a “succession” norm to share status and opportunities.
Think about it: when boomers hold onto leadership roles, prime projects, or coveted positions well past the point where stepping back would benefit everyone, it sends a clear message. Younger generations interpret this as “your time doesn’t matter” or “you haven’t earned your turn yet.”
The result? Quiet but growing frustration that can poison workplace dynamics and family relationships alike.
2. Trying to act like “one of the kids”
Picture this: a 65-year-old showing up to the office in the latest Gen Z fashion trends or using slang they clearly just learned from TikTok.
While the intention might be to connect or stay relevant, research shows this approach actually backfires.
When older adults violate what researchers call “identity prescriptions“—essentially acting too youth-like for their age—younger people end up devaluing them more, creating reliable sparks for intergenerational friction.
It’s not that younger generations want boomers to be completely out of touch.
But there’s something unsettling about watching someone try so hard to co-opt youth culture and spaces that aren’t naturally theirs.
The underlying message younger people often receive? “What makes us unique isn’t actually ours.”
It feels inauthentic and, frankly, a little desperate—even when that wasn’t the intention at all.
3. Talking down and “eldersplaining” everything
“Let me explain how the real world works…” Sound familiar?
There’s something particularly grating about being lectured to, especially when it comes with an undertone of “you’re too young to understand.”
Research backs this up too—studies found that young adults evaluate patronizing speakers far more negatively than non-patronizing ones, meaning those condescending corrections and lectures breed resentment fast.
I’ve seen this dynamic destroy relationships in my practice. Adult children who feel constantly talked down to by their boomer parents.
Young employees who dread meetings because they know they’ll get “educated” about things they already understand.
The tricky part? Many boomers genuinely believe they’re being helpful by sharing their wisdom and experience.
But when that wisdom comes wrapped in condescension—assuming younger people lack basic knowledge or life skills—it feels dismissive rather than supportive.
The line between sharing experience and eldersplaining is thinner than most people realize.
4. Dismissing technology struggles as generational superiority
“Back in my day, we didn’t need all these gadgets to get things done.”
Ever heard that one before? While struggling with technology is completely normal, it’s the attitude that often comes with it that rubs younger generations the wrong way.
I’ve watched this play out in countless scenarios—boomers who refuse help with smartphones while simultaneously complaining about how complicated everything has become, or worse, suggesting that life was somehow better or more authentic before all this “digital nonsense.”
Here’s what younger people hear: “Your entire way of living and working is inferior to mine.” It feels like their reality is being invalidated.
As Maya Angelou once said, “When we know better, we do better.”
Technology isn’t going anywhere, and treating it like some kind of moral failing creates an unnecessary divide.
The frustration isn’t really about the tech struggles themselves—it’s about the implied judgment that comes with refusing to adapt while criticizing the very tools that define modern life.
5. Making everything about their hardships
“You think you have it tough? When I was your age, I walked to school uphill both ways…”
We’ve all heard some version of this, right?
While boomers genuinely did face their own set of challenges, constantly using their past struggles to dismiss or minimize what younger generations are dealing with today creates real resentment.
I see this pattern repeatedly in my counseling sessions.
Young adults trying to share their stress about student loans, housing costs, or job markets, only to be met with stories about how much harder things were “back then.”
The problem isn’t that boomers want to share their experiences—it’s that these stories often come across as competitive suffering rather than genuine empathy.
As Brené Brown notes, “Empathy has no script. There is no right way or wrong way to do it. It’s simply listening, holding space, withholding judgment, emotionally connecting, and communicating that incredibly healing message of ‘You’re not alone.'”
When every conversation becomes a comparison contest, younger people stop sharing altogether.
6. Offering outdated career and life advice
“Just walk into their office with a firm handshake and ask for a job!”
Career landscapes have changed dramatically, yet many boomers continue to offer advice based on a world that no longer exists.
What worked in the 1980s—like showing up unannounced at companies or expecting loyalty to guarantee job security—simply doesn’t apply anymore.
I remember a client telling me about her father’s frustration when she couldn’t find a job despite “pounding the pavement” for weeks.
He couldn’t understand why online applications and networking events weren’t yielding immediate results like his old-school approach once did.
The issue isn’t that boomers want to help—it’s that they often refuse to acknowledge how much the game has changed.
Younger generations need guidance that reflects today’s realities: gig economies, remote work, social media presence, and entirely different relationship dynamics.
When advice feels irrelevant or impossible to implement, it comes across as tone-deaf rather than helpful.
7. Monopolizing conversations with lengthy stories
You know the scenario: you mention something briefly, and suddenly you’re trapped in a 20-minute monologue about how that reminds them of something that happened in 1975.
While storytelling can be a beautiful way to connect, younger generations often feel steamrolled by these extended narratives, especially when they seem to hijack every conversation.
The underlying message comes across as “my experiences are more important than whatever you were trying to discuss.”
It’s not just about the time—it’s about feeling unheard and undervalued in the exchange.
I’ve noticed this creates a particular type of social fatigue.
Younger people start avoiding conversations altogether because they know where they’ll lead.
As Dale Carnegie wisely said, “To be interesting, be interested.”
The most respected communicators know when to share and when to listen.
When conversations become one-sided history lessons rather than genuine exchanges, connection suffers—and resentment quietly builds.
8. Acting like they invented basic life concepts
Looking back, this one probably deserved a higher spot on the list. Anyway…
“We invented work-life balance, you know. We were the first generation to care about the environment. Nobody understood real music until our generation came along.”
Sound familiar? There’s something particularly irksome about boomers claiming ownership over concepts, values, or cultural movements that have existed in various forms throughout history—or that younger generations have evolved and expanded upon.
I’ve heard this in so many contexts: relationships, social justice, creativity, spirituality, even parenting approaches.
It’s as if every meaningful idea originated with their generation and everything since is just a watered-down version.
This attitude dismisses the genuine innovations and progress that younger generations have contributed.
When you act like you invented empathy, environmentalism, or authentic living, you’re essentially saying that everything that came before and after is somehow less valid.
Simon Sinek puts it well: “There are only two ways to influence human behavior: you can manipulate it or you can inspire it.”
Claiming credit for universal human experiences feels more like manipulation than inspiration.
Final thoughts
If a few of these behaviors hit a little too close to home, don’t worry—you’re not alone.
Here’s what I’ve learned in my years of counseling: most of these patterns aren’t born from malice or even conscious awareness.
They often stem from a genuine desire to connect, help, or share valuable life experience.
The problem is that good intentions don’t always translate into positive impact.
The beautiful thing about understanding these dynamics is that awareness creates choice.
Once you recognize how certain behaviors land with younger generations, you can adjust your approach without losing your authentic voice or valuable wisdom.
You might have read my post on breaking unhealthy relationship patterns—and honestly, the same principle applies here.
Change doesn’t require you to become someone you’re not. It just means being more intentional about how you show up in intergenerational relationships.
As Steven Covey said, “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” Sometimes the most powerful thing we can do is listen more than we speak, ask questions instead of assuming, and create space for others to shine alongside us.
The goal isn’t to eliminate generational differences—they’re actually valuable. It’s about bridging them with respect, curiosity, and genuine care for each other’s experiences.
After all, we’re all just trying to figure this life thing out, aren’t we?
