Think back to the last time someone made you feel like the only person in the room. Chances are, it wasn’t because they launched into an impressive monologue or showered you with compliments. More likely, it was a single, well-timed phrase that opened a door—one that said, in effect, “I see you, I’m listening, and you matter.”
Over a decade as a counselor and communications coach, I’ve collected those phrases like rare seashells. I’ve heard them from therapists, top-tier negotiators, kindergarten teachers, and that one barista who somehow remembers everyone’s name. Different contexts, same magic: a few intentional words that shift the spotlight onto the other person and signal genuine respect.
Below are 11 of my favorites. Use them sincerely, and you’ll notice conversations deepen, defenses drop, and people open up in ways that surprise even them. Social skill isn’t about having the perfect script—it’s about choosing language that puts connection first.
1. “I’d love to hear your perspective on this.”
Most of us barrel into conversations eager to share our viewpoint. This phrase flips that script entirely. By explicitly inviting someone’s perspective, you communicate three things at once: curiosity, humility, and respect.
I first heard it from a senior colleague who could disarm even the prickliest clients. Instead of launching into his own ideas, he’d start meetings with this line. It set the tone for collaboration rather than competition, and it worked because people felt their input genuinely mattered.
Harvard research on “high-quality connections” shows that being asked for your viewpoint lights up the brain’s reward circuitry much like receiving a gift. In other words: asking for perspective is a gift—and people remember who gave it.
2. “Tell me more.”
It’s astonishing how often conversations stall simply because we don’t offer this gentle nudge. “Tell me more” signals patience and interest without steering the narrative. It leaves the speaker in control of what happens next.
Therapists lean on this phrase for good reason: it prompts elaboration without judgment. I once worked with a client who rarely opened up about work stress. One day I swapped my usual “Why was that hard?” for “Tell me more.” She spoke for fifteen uninterrupted minutes, connecting dots she’d never voiced aloud.
Sometimes the most powerful social tool is also the shortest.
3. “That sounds important to you.”
Validation is oxygen in human relationships; without it, conversations suffocate. This phrase names the significance of what the other person just shared, proving you caught not only the facts but the feelings beneath them.
I’ve used it with teenagers describing videogame victories and executives revealing merger anxieties. It works across contexts because it’s a statement, not a guess. Instead of asking “Is that important to you?” (which forces them to justify), you affirm its importance—and that affirmation melts defensive armor.
A 2021 study in Emotion found that feeling understood reduces cortisol spikes during stressful conversations. Translation: validation literally calms the nervous system.
4. “It sounds like you felt…”
Paraphrasing feelings is Emotional Intelligence 101, yet most people paraphrase content (“You worked late again”) instead of emotion (“You felt overlooked”). This small shift shows you’re attuned to their inner world, not just their outer circumstances.
Important caveat: keep your tone exploratory, not presumptive. I usually add a trailing note—“…did I get that right?”—so they can correct me if I missed. When they do correct, thank them; the goal is accuracy, not being “right.”
5. “Can I make sure I’m understanding you correctly?”
Nobody likes being misquoted—especially in conflict. This phrase acts like a pause button, giving you space to reflect back what you heard before replying. The underlying message is, “Your clarity matters more than my response.”
In mediation sessions, this line often diffuses tension within seconds. It moves the conversation from adversarial to collaborative: we’re now on the same team, trying to achieve mutual understanding.
6. “What would feel most helpful right now—listening, brainstorming, or something else?”
Problem-solving mode is a reflex, particularly for people who care. Yet unsolicited advice can leave others feeling steamrolled. This phrase offers a menu of support styles, letting the speaker choose.
One of my friends calls it “consent before counsel.” When her partner vented about work, she used to jump straight into solutions. Now she asks this question first. Nine times out of ten, he chooses “Just listen”—and their evenings have become a lot more peaceful.
7. “I really appreciate you sharing that with me.”
Vulnerability is risky; acknowledging the risk makes someone feel safe. By thanking them for sharing—especially after a personal reveal—you affirm their courage and protect the budding trust between you.
Brené Brown famously said, “Vulnerability is the birth-place of connection.” Gratitude is the midwife that ensures a healthy delivery.
8. “Take your time—I’m here.”
Silence in conversation can feel awkward, prompting many of us to fill it with nervous chatter. This phrase does the opposite: it legitimizes silence. Whether someone is searching for words or holding back tears, granting them time signals unwavering presence.
I once sat with a coaching client who grappled with grief; after I said this line, we spent almost a minute in quiet. When he finally spoke, he said, “That’s the first time all week I didn’t feel rushed.” Sometimes the real conversation happens in the space we allow.
9. “If I’m off base, please let me know.”
Great communicators build in correction loops. By inviting feedback on your interpretation, you lower power dynamics and show you’re committed to accuracy over ego.
Leaders who use this phrase create cultures where junior team members feel safe flagging errors—crucial in fields like healthcare or aviation where mistakes have high stakes. In everyday life, it simply fosters honesty.
10. “Would you like me to follow up on this later?”
Follow-through separates fleeting niceness from sustainable connection. Offering to revisit the topic—then actually doing it—tells people their concerns didn’t evaporate once the conversation ended.
Set a reminder on your phone if you must. A quick “Hey, I was thinking about what you said yesterday—how are you feeling now?” text can turn a single conversation into an ongoing relationship.
11. “You’ve given me a lot to think about.”
Too often we end discussions with perfunctory “Cool” or “Got it.” This phrase elevates the closure by admitting impact. It tells the speaker their words mattered enough to reshape your thinking.
I once used it with a ride-share driver who told me about immigrating to support his siblings’ education. Weeks later, I still thought about his sacrifices—and I sent a small donation to a scholarship fund in his honor. The phrase wasn’t flattery; it was acknowledgment of real influence.
Final thoughts
None of these phrases are complicated, but they do require intention. They work because they satisfy three universal psychological needs: to feel heard, valued, and safe. When you meet those needs, you transform conversations into connections that linger long after the words fade.
Pick one phrase this week and practice it until it feels natural. Then add another. Social mastery isn’t about grand gestures; it’s the cumulative power of small moments handled with care.
And if someone uses these phrases on you? Notice how it feels in your body—the softening shoulders, the steadier breath. That feeling is what being truly seen feels like. Pass it on.
