12 phrases upper-middle-class people say without realizing they sound privileged

The invisible language of privilege

I was sitting in a coffee shop in Singapore last week when I overheard a conversation that made me pause. A well-dressed woman was explaining to her friend why she couldn’t understand why people complained about housing costs: “If they just saved properly and made better choices, they could afford a nice place too.”

It struck me how completely unaware she was of how privileged that statement sounded. As someone who’s spent years studying psychology and observing human behavior across different cultures, I’ve noticed that many upper-middle-class people use phrases that reveal their privilege without even realizing it.

These aren’t necessarily bad people. Most are well-intentioned individuals who simply haven’t examined how their economic position shapes their worldview. But understanding these phrases can help us all become more aware of our own blind spots and communicate with greater empathy.

1. “Just save up for it”

This phrase assumes everyone has disposable income left over after covering basic needs. For many families, every dollar goes toward rent, food, and essential expenses. The idea of “saving up” for anything beyond necessities is a luxury they can’t afford.

When someone suggests this solution, they’re revealing they’ve never experienced living paycheck to paycheck or having to choose between paying rent and buying groceries.

2. “Why don’t they just get a better job?”

This question ignores the complex barriers many people face in career advancement: lack of access to education, networking opportunities, childcare, reliable transportation, or the financial cushion needed to take risks like changing careers.

It also assumes that “better” jobs are readily available and that everyone has the same starting advantages in pursuing them.

3. “I don’t see color”

While often meant to express equality, this phrase actually dismisses the real experiences of discrimination that people of color face daily. It suggests that acknowledging racial differences is somehow wrong, when in reality, recognizing and respecting these differences is crucial for understanding systemic inequalities.

4. “Anyone can make it if they work hard enough”

This meritocracy myth ignores the role of privilege, luck, timing, and systemic barriers. While hard work is important, it’s not the only factor in success. Many people work incredibly hard but still struggle due to circumstances beyond their control.

This phrase can be particularly hurtful to those who are working multiple jobs or facing significant challenges while still struggling financially.

5. “It’s just a matter of priorities”

When someone can’t afford something, suggesting it’s about priorities implies they’re making poor choices. This ignores the reality that for many people, priorities are forced upon them by limited resources.

Choosing between paying for medication or fixing a broken car isn’t about priorities—it’s about survival.

6. “I earned everything I have”

While personal effort matters, this statement often overlooks the advantages that contributed to success: family support, educational opportunities, social connections, or simply being born into circumstances that provided a head start.

Acknowledging these advantages doesn’t diminish personal achievements—it just provides a more complete picture.

7. “Why don’t they just move somewhere cheaper?”

Moving requires significant upfront costs: deposits, moving expenses, time off work, and often leaving behind support networks and job opportunities. For many families, moving isn’t financially feasible, even if it might save money long-term.

This suggestion also ignores that people have roots, relationships, and responsibilities that tie them to their communities.

8. “I don’t understand why people have kids they can’t afford”

This judgment assumes that financial circumstances never change and that family planning is always straightforward. Job loss, medical emergencies, divorce, or economic downturns can dramatically alter a family’s financial situation after children are born.

It also ignores that access to family planning resources isn’t equal for everyone.

9. “They should just eat healthier”

Healthy food is often more expensive and requires time to prepare—luxuries that many working families don’t have. Food deserts in low-income areas also limit access to fresh, nutritious options.

When you’re working two jobs and have limited time and money, a fast-food meal might be the most practical option, not a poor choice.

10. “I pulled myself up by my bootstraps”

This phrase has become synonymous with self-reliance, but it often ignores the support systems, opportunities, and advantages that made that “pulling up” possible. Very few people succeed entirely on their own.

Recognizing the help we’ve received doesn’t diminish our achievements—it makes us more grateful and empathetic.

11. “Money doesn’t buy happiness”

While there’s truth to this saying, it’s often used to dismiss legitimate concerns about financial stress. Research shows that money does contribute to happiness up to the point where basic needs are met and financial security is achieved.

For someone struggling to pay bills, this phrase can feel dismissive of their very real stress and challenges.

12. “They just need to be more grateful”

Suggesting that people should simply be grateful for what they have, regardless of their circumstances, dismisses legitimate concerns about inequality and injustice. Gratitude is important, but it shouldn’t be used to silence discussions about systemic problems.

Building awareness and empathy

Recognizing these phrases isn’t about guilt or shame—it’s about building awareness. We all have blind spots shaped by our experiences and circumstances. The goal isn’t to never make mistakes in our language, but to remain open to learning and growing.

During my travels between Vietnam and Singapore, I’ve seen how different economic realities shape people’s perspectives. What seems obvious or simple from one vantage point can be incredibly complex from another.

Here are some ways to communicate with greater awareness:

• Listen more than you speak, especially when someone is sharing their struggles
• Ask questions to understand rather than immediately offering solutions
• Acknowledge that your experience might be different from others’
• Recognize that systemic factors play a role in individual outcomes
• Practice gratitude for the advantages you’ve had while working to extend those advantages to others

Moving forward with compassion

The Buddhist concept of “right speech” teaches us to communicate in ways that are truthful, helpful, and kind. This means being mindful of how our words might affect others and considering the perspectives we might be missing.

When we catch ourselves using these phrases, it’s an opportunity for reflection rather than self-criticism. What assumptions am I making? What experiences am I not considering? How can I communicate with greater empathy?

Building a more equitable society starts with honest conversations about privilege and inequality. By examining our language and assumptions, we can contribute to more understanding and compassionate communities.

Remember, awareness is the first step toward positive change. When we understand how privilege shapes our perspective, we can work to create more inclusive spaces where everyone’s experiences are valued and heard.