Generations often clash over manners. As a boomer, you may think you’re being polite, but younger generations might view your actions as passive-aggressive.
It’s all about perspective. What one generation views as courtesy, another generation might see as unnecessary or even hostile.
So, let’s dive into 7 things boomers consider polite—that younger generations interpret as passive-aggressive. Buckle up, it’s time for a generational manners showdown.
1) Insisting on addressing everyone formally
Tradition is a big deal for boomers. They grew up in a time when addressing people formally was considered the height of politeness. But for younger generations, this insistence on formality can come across as passive-aggressive.
To millennials and Gen Z, relationships are more about authenticity and less about formalities. They prefer to meet people on an equal footing, rather than being elevated or diminished by titles.
So, when a boomer insists on addressing a younger person as “Mr.” or “Miss”, it can feel like they’re creating a distance that isn’t necessary, or even worse, asserting their own superiority.
The key here is understanding and respect. Boomers need to realize the changing norms and younger generations need to understand the good intentions behind the formality. But remember, it’s all about communication!
2) Offering unsolicited advice
I remember when my boomer dad visited my first apartment. He walked in, looked around, and immediately started giving me advice on how I could better organize my kitchen, rearrange my living room furniture, and even manage my finances.
Now, from his perspective, he was being helpful and considerate. But for me, a proud new apartment owner trying to make it on my own, his unsolicited advice felt like a critique of my independence and capability.
Younger generations value their self-sufficiency. They like to make their own mistakes and learn from them. So when a well-intentioned boomer steps in with unsolicited advice, it can often be perceived as passive-aggressive or overbearing.
Let’s remember: it’s always better to ask if someone wants advice before giving it. That way, we respect each other’s autonomy and prevent any unintentional tension.
3) Writing thank-you notes for everything
Boomers grew up in a time when thank-you notes were a common courtesy. Whether it was for a gift, a meal, or even a job interview, sending a handwritten note was the polite thing to do.
In contrast, younger generations often see this as an unnecessary formality. Sure, they appreciate gratitude, but it doesn’t always need to come in the form of a card. In fact, a study suggests that the creation and disposal of paper products contribute to over 16% of all landfill methane emissions.
Expressing thanks is always important, but how we do it can vary. An in-person thank you, a text message, or an email can convey the same sentiment without contributing to environmental issues. It’s crucial to adapt our expressions of gratitude to the changing times and preferences.
4) Giving ‘constructive criticism’
Boomers, with their years of experience and wisdom, often feel it’s their duty to help younger generations improve. This often materializes in the form of ‘constructive criticism’. They believe that by pointing out what needs improvement, they are being helpful and polite.
For many millennials and Gen Zers, however, this unsolicited criticism can feel like a passive-aggressive jab. They tend to value positive reinforcement over negative feedback. They prefer to focus on strengths and build upon them, rather than constantly identifying areas of weakness.
Understanding this generational gap in communication styles can help foster a more respectful and productive dialogue. Remember, it’s not just about what you say, but how you say it that matters.
5) Making a big deal out of tech mishaps
I’ll never forget the time my boomer aunt saw me struggling with my new smartphone. She chuckled and said, “Oh, these young people and their gadgets! Back in my day, we didn’t need all this technology to get by.”
Her intention was to lighten the mood and perhaps share a bit of nostalgia. But to me, it felt belittling. It made my struggle seem trivial and turned it into a punchline.
Younger generations have grown up in a world where technology is integral to everyday life. For them, struggling with technology isn’t funny—it’s frustrating. And having a boomer make light of it can feel like they’re dismissing an important part of their lives.
A little empathy goes a long way. Instead of laughing off tech mishaps, boomers could lend a helping hand or a sympathetic ear.
6) Correcting grammar
For many boomers, correct grammar is a sign of education and respect. They were taught that speaking and writing correctly is crucial in all aspects of life.
However, younger generations often see unsolicited grammar corrections as rude and passive-aggressive. They view language as an evolving tool that is more about communication and less about rigid rules.
This doesn’t mean that grammar isn’t important to younger generations. It’s just that they prioritize the message over the mechanics. So, when a boomer corrects their slang or informal language, it can feel like a condescending critique, rather than a helpful tip.
Language connects us all—it shouldn’t be a battleground. Let’s respect each other’s ways of speaking and focus on the conversations we’re having.
7) Insisting on ‘real’ conversations over digital ones
Many boomers believe that face-to-face conversations are more valuable than digital ones. They often insist on phone calls or in-person meetings, seeing them as more genuine and respectful.
But for younger generations, digital communication is just as real and meaningful as any other form. They’ve grown up in a digital age where significant relationships and important discussions happen online.
Insisting on ‘real’ conversations can feel like a dismissal of the communication methods younger generations value and rely on. It’s not about abandoning face-to-face interactions but recognizing that meaningful communication can happen in many different ways.