5 tiny habits that might be making people dislike you

We often assume that people dislike us for big, obvious reasons. But in reality, it’s usually the little things—the small habits we barely notice—that quietly push others away.

Over the years, both in my work as a relationship expert and in my own relationships, I’ve seen how subtle behaviors can erode trust and warmth. They may not seem like much in the moment, but repeated over time, they leave a mark.

If you want to strengthen your connections and stop unintentionally putting people off, pay attention to these five tiny habits.

1. Checking your phone when someone is talking to you

Have you ever been mid-conversation and noticed the other person glance at their phone? It instantly makes you feel unimportant, doesn’t it?

You’re not alone. Research shows that “phubbing” (phone snubbing) seriously hurts relationships. When you’re constantly on your phone instead of paying attention to the person you’re withcop, it kills intimacy and makes people feel ignored and undervalued.

I once worked with a couple who were on the brink of breaking up—not because of infidelity or major conflict, but because one partner couldn’t stop scrolling at dinner. The message was clear: “This screen is more interesting than you.”

A simple fix? Put the phone away when you’re with someone. Real connection happens face-to-face, not while half your attention is glued to a device.

2. Not remembering people’s names

Dale Carnegie famously said that a person’s name is “the sweetest and most important sound in any language” to them. Forgetting it—or worse, never bothering to learn it—can make someone feel like they don’t matter.

Think about the last time someone greeted you by name. Didn’t it give you a little spark of warmth? Now imagine the opposite: introducing yourself multiple times to someone who never remembers. It signals that you weren’t paying attention or didn’t care enough to make the effort.

I’ll admit, I used to be terrible at this. At networking events, I’d forget a name within seconds. But once I made the conscious choice to repeat people’s names back to them—“Nice to meet you, Sarah”—it stuck. It takes practice, but the payoff is enormous.

Remembering a name is a small act, but it builds trust and shows respect.

3. Talking more than you listen

The ancient Stoic philosopher Epictetus put it simply: “We have two ears and one mouth, so we should listen twice as much as we speak”.

Yet so many of us fall into the trap of dominating conversations. We interrupt, jump in with our own stories, or half-listen while waiting for our turn to talk.

The result? The other person feels unheard.

I can tell you that nothing damages relationships faster than poor listening. People want to feel understood, not managed like an audience for your monologues.

Next time you’re in a conversation, try this: instead of planning your reply, focus entirely on what the other person is saying. Ask follow-up questions. Reflect back what you’ve heard. It might feel unnatural at first, but the shift in connection is remarkable.

4. Constantly criticizing

Being overly critical—whether about someone’s appearance, their choices, or their mistakes—creates an atmosphere of judgment. Even small, casual remarks can build resentment over time.

I once had a client who realized that every interaction with her sister included some form of criticism. “Why are you wearing that?” “Why didn’t you think of this sooner?” It wasn’t malicious, but it left her sister dreading their time together. When she consciously chose to replace criticism with encouragement, their bond shifted dramatically.

We all slip into critique mode sometimes, but the question is: what impact are you leaving behind? Do people walk away from you feeling heavier—or lighter?

5. Refusing to apologize properly

Here’s a hard truth: most of us aren’t as good at apologizing as we think.

As noted by Elizabeth Scott, PhD in a Very Well Mind post “A sincere and effective apology is one that communicates genuine empathy, remorse, and regret as well as a promise to learn from your mistakes”.

Half-hearted or defensive apologies (“I’m sorry you feel that way”) often make things worse.

I’ve seen this play out in countless relationships. A partner thinks they’ve “apologized,” but the other person feels dismissed because it wasn’t sincere. Over time, these half-apologies erode trust more than silence would have.

The fix? Keep it simple and honest: “I’m sorry for what I did. I understand how it hurt you. I’ll do better moving forward.” No excuses, no deflection. Just ownership.

Apologizing doesn’t make you weak—it makes you trustworthy.

Final thoughts

The truth is, most of these habits aren’t malicious. They’re often unconscious behaviors we slip into without realizing the impact. But awareness is the first step.

Check your phone less. Use people’s names. Listen more than you talk. Criticize less. Apologize better.

Tiny changes like these can completely transform how people experience you. And in a world where connection is everything, that might be the most valuable shift you can make.