If you have achieved these 7 things before 40, you are truly winning at life

Lately, I’ve been catching myself thinking about the big 4-0. It’s strange how that number sneaks up on you.

We often grow up believing that by 40, life will look a certain way, right?

In my twenties, I thought turning 40 meant everything would be neatly in place—career, money, relationships, the whole package. But the closer I get, the more I see that life doesn’t really work like that.

What matters isn’t whether you’ve checked every box. It’s whether you’ve built a life that feels solid, meaningful, and—most importantly—yours.

If you’ve managed to do even a few of these things before hitting 40, I’d say you’re already doing pretty well.

1. You’ve learned to say no without guilt

In your twenties, saying yes feels like the only option. You don’t want to miss out. You take on work you hate, say yes to draining friendships, and push your own needs to the side just to be accepted.

But as you get older, you realize every “yes” is really a trade—you’re giving away time and energy you’ll never get back.

By 40, winning means being able to say no with confidence, and without the guilt that used to come with it. No to projects that steal your time. No to relationships that pull you down. No to the version of yourself that’s always trying to please.

And the beauty is, when you say no to what doesn’t serve you, you’re finally saying yes to the things that do.

2. You’ve built at least one safe harbor relationship

Success is sweeter when it’s shared—and struggles are easier when you don’t carry them alone. By 40, it’s not about how many people you know, but whether you have a handful of relationships that feel like home.

Maybe it’s a partner, a lifelong friend, a sibling, or even a mentor. The label doesn’t matter. What matters is that you can be your unfiltered self with them—messy, tired, silly, or even broken—and know you’re still accepted.

If you can pick up the phone at 2 a.m. and there’s someone who will answer without hesitation, that’s a sign you’re winning at life. Because at the end of the day, love and connection are the only currencies that never lose value.

3. You’ve failed—and gotten back up

One of the biggest myths is that winning means avoiding failure.

If you’ve reached 40 years on this earth without stumbling, it probably means you’ve been playing it too safe.

The real win is in the falling and the rising. Maybe you poured yourself into a business that didn’t work, loved someone who didn’t love you back, or lost a job that once defined you.

The failures sting, but they also carve resilience into your bones. They teach you that you can rebuild, reinvent, and keep moving.

4. You can walk into a room without needing to prove yourself

In our youth, every room feels like a stage. We want to be noticed, respected, validated. By our thirties, the pressure might shift—we chase influence, titles, or a sense of “making it.”

But ‘winning’ at 40 looks totally different.

It’s walking into a room without needing to perform. You don’t have to wear masks or prove your worth to anyone. You know who you are, and that’s enough.

This kind of quiet confidence can’t be faked—it’s earned through years of trial, error, and learning where your real value comes from. And once you have it, no title, salary, or applause can compete.

5. You’ve found something that grounds you

News flash: life doesn’t get less chaotic as you age—it often gets louder.

Work demands, family responsibilities, financial pressures—they don’t disappear. But what changes is how you handle them.

If by the big 4-o you’ve found something that steadies you, you’re doing better than most.

For some, it’s a spiritual practice. For others, it’s exercise, journaling, or time in nature. It doesn’t matter what form it takes—it matters that you have a way to return to yourself when life spins out of control.

When the storms come—and they always do—grounding practices remind you that peace isn’t found in control, but in stillness.

6. You can enjoy your own company

So many people fear being alone. They fill every silence with noise, every weekend with plans, every pause with distraction. But if  you can genuinely enjoy your own company, that’s freedom.

It doesn’t mean you isolate yourself—it means you’re comfortable in your own skin. You can take yourself out to dinner, spend a day offline, or even travel solo without feeling incomplete.

That kind of self-sufficiency is rare. It means you’re no longer dependent on external validation to feel whole. You’ve learned that your own presence can be enough.

7. You can find joy in the simple stuff

At 20, winning might look like adrenaline, adventure, and chasing highs. It did for me. 

By 40, though, winning looks more like noticing the quiet joys—a good meal, laughter with your kids, a peaceful walk, or sitting with someone you love at the end of the day.

Because the truth is, life isn’t lived in highlights—it’s lived in ordinary moments. If you’ve trained your eyes to see the beauty in them, you’ve already unlocked the secret most people spend their lives chasing.

Joy isn’t somewhere out there—it’s right here, hidden in the everyday.

Final thoughts

Reaching 40 isn’t about having it all figured out. It’s about having lived enough to know what actually matters—and being brave enough to let the rest go.

If you’ve learned to protect your energy, build real relationships, rise after failure, ground yourself, enjoy your own company, and see the beauty in the simple things—you’re not just winning, you’re thriving.

And the best part? Forty isn’t the finish line. Perhaps, it’s the point where the game really gets interesting…if we let it.